To The Deep Blue July 12, 2015July 12, 2015 ~ distilledvoice I yearn For deeper blue Of fathoms deep And bottomless, To which my thirsty skin Might imbibe The cool And my heart Might drink it in, As if it were an oxygen, Aqueous and limitless. © Ben Truesdale and distilledvoice, 2015. Share this:TwitterFacebookMoreLinkedInLike this:Like Loading... Related
6 thoughts on “To The Deep Blue”
Being on vacation, it was a pleasant surprise to see the first thing on my dash is a poem about the ocean. I like that you found a way to slip ‘oxygen’ in naturally. If I were to change one thing, however, it would be the last line; ‘aqueous’ fits in with the style perfectly, but calling something ‘bluish’ does not, especially when you already described it as a deep blue as the end to another line.
Although I like how it fits the title… but I am not a big fan of the title… I’m conflicted. In any case, your poems are always nice to read.
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Ha ha – I caught your conflict and made it my own. I changed the title and the last words – I hope you are less conflicted now! I am!
Ok well thanks for the crit etc. To be honest I don’t really worry about all that sort of thing. I just write how they feel to me at the time and almost never go back to them. They may well be imperfect/incorrect for the reader – however rather than go back to re-edit I just write something else instead. Sorry to cause an inner conflict though. As I say, you might be on the money! But I’m really glad you are enjoying on the whole.
Love the way this shifts from
physical to metaphysical,
from skin to heart,
from flesh to spirit,
and how that inflects words
both preceding and following,
alters them for different readings:
drink it in
And a lovely poetic response from you, Patrick. Thanks very much.